you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
