I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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