i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
