I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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