Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
