i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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