I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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