Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
