I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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