you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
