you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
