i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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