My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
