i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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