we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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