also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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