so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
