What a fucking waste of an outfit
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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