I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
