I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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