I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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