I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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