We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
