Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
