I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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