just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Terrible idea I love it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
