Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
