wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
