No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
