drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
