I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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