Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
