ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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