I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
