I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
