Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
