as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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