I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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