Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm bleeding and have questions
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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