i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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