i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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