I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
