His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize