I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
