Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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