toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
