I can tuck mytits in my pants
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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