You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
