i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
