Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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