There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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