We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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