I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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