he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
