does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
