is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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