Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
