Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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