I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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