I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my phone needs a breathalizer
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
where am i from again
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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