Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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