He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I want to fling myself into the sun
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
