He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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