Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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