I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
