You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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