My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
