we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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