i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
