If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
