DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
